


Drown

by recurringdreams



Series: Symbiosis [5]
Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: Arguments, Beaches, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Melodrama, Rescue, family dog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:23:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4587696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/recurringdreams/pseuds/recurringdreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't you dare pull that face, love, you know exactly what you did. You put yourself at risk and our baby and I couldn't do a thing about it! You didn't discuss it with me, you just went after that idiot and..."</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Sometimes we don't think before we act. We only see the damage later. <br/>An argument and makeup fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drown

 

*

_**Kitty** _

*

 

The water was cold. Really, really cold. Colder than anything I had ever experienced before. I had kicked my shoes off as I made my way towards the screams, leaving Toby's lead and my handbag in Benedict's hands. He was running down the beach after me, shouting my name as I threw off my jacket and raced into the water, recalling everything I could about the lifeguarding lessons I had taken one week while I was bored in LA and Ben was filming his first Doctor Strange film.

The kid was flailing and I tried my hardest to stop them from kicking out at my stomach. I was three months pregnant now, and it crossed my mind only as the drag of a wave hit me that there were three lives at stake, not just mine and this stranger's. Every time I moved to get closer, they would kick out and I had to protect myself. I had to protect Ben's child as well as the one in front of me... I had risked our family to save a stranger.

"Kid!" I called out to the child, whose head snapped to look at me. "Stop kicking. I will help you. Please. Trust me! Take a deep breath" Frightened eyes met mine but the child nodded and in half a moment, they were underwater.

I cried out and drove forward, pulling the child into my arms and striking back out for the shore. I hadn't felt as though I was drowning before, but the pressure and exertion that I felt as I moved back to the shore, to Ben, standing there, scowling, with Toby straining at his leash...

I settled the kid in front of their hysterical mother and looked to my husband, suddenly nervous. With hesitation, I said his name, but it came out hoarse and he flinched. _He flinched._ Silently, Ben held out the towel from my backpack as I slowly straightened up and started to shiver, his face like thunder as he pulled at my wet clothes and rubbed my arms to get me warm again. When he was satisfied, he looked over at the child and her mother, still sobbing as the beach patrol came to see to them, before turning to me, silent.

"We're going home." He said sternly, gripping my hand tighter than I had ever felt him grip me.

"Ben?"

"You're cold and wet and we're going home."

The hour's journey in the car was silent. God, I felt like a cunt.

 

*

 

I'd never seen Ben so angry before. His forehead was furrowed, skin bright pink and his lips drawn back into a snarl as he threw his shoes off to the side and slung his coat onto the sofa with more force than strictly necessary. I gently settled Toby down to the floor, and, tail between his legs, he bolted to his bed in the living room, huffing softly, whimpering just a little as I tried to soothe Ben's fury.

"Come on, love! For God's sake, I was trying to help!"

"You could have fucking died!" He howled, part rage, part anguish, storming through the house and up to the bedroom, "you're fucking pregnant and you throw yourself into the fucking Atlantic ocean to rescue a kid. It was two degrees! You could have been hypothermic! You're going to be a mother, you..." He stormed up the stairs and I followed, upset now that he would bring this argument home.

Ben slammed the bedroom door open, and I cringed, half in fear and half in anticipation of the crack of the hardwood door hitting the wall. I whimpered softly, surprised, and reflexively covered the bump that was only just showing out of my t-shirt with my forearms. He turned back at me and glared, practically daring me to carry on.  "Don't you dare pull that face, love, you know exactly what you did. You put yourself at risk and our baby and I couldn't do a thing about it! You didn't discuss it with me, you just went after that idiot and..."

I stood and took it, letting him get his frustration out, backing away a little toward the door as he gripped at his hair and pulled, a face full of fear and pain slowly replacing his anger.

"I'm so sorry, love." I offered carefully, looking across at him when his fingers had stopped pulling, when he was no longer pulling at himself, holding my hands up in an offer of peace, desperate not to make him angry again. I didn't try to touch him, simply held my hands out, palms up, and watched him watch my fingers. "I didn't think."

"Too fucking right you didn't-"

"Benedict!" I cut him off sharply and took a step away, scowling a little as he looked up at me. "I put up with your ranting, let me get on with my apologies."

"Hmph." He folded his arms again and looked away.

"Sure." I bit my lip and ran a hand through my hair, "I fucked up and made you feel scared, and I made you feel upset. I jumped into that water because I didn't want... I didn't want somebody to suffer from the loss of their little one. They'd hurt like hell, Ben and I don't like it when other people hurt. Not when we can stop it." I moved a little closer to him and curled my hand gently around his shoulder. "I know I should have thought more about me, love, about the baby and about what you would want, but..." He stiffened when I spoke about the baby, when I talked about putting myself in danger. His eyes flickered up to mine and his frown deepened, but his fingers moved to curl around the back of my knees.

"If the current had been any stronger, love. If it had been any more dangerous... I could have lost you. I could have stood on the bloody beach and... For fucks sake, love. What would I have done without you?" I inclined my head as his voice cracked. "Without my girl, Kitty? Who would keep me afloat?" He pressed his hands higher, pulling me between his knees and giving a deep sigh as he pressed his face against my stomach, pulling at my clothes where they were damp. His eyes closed and he burrowed into my body, gently squeezing tighter as his shoulders shook. "You need to get changed. Put my dressing gown on, it's warmer. And my pyjamas." I drew away to comply with his instructions, just wanting to see him smile again, and when I had changed, he drew me back to him and continued, "You'd better fucking know, love. How much I care about you. How little I could live without you. I felt so weak watching you throw yourself into that water knowing... Knowing..."

"It's ok. It's all ok, love. I'm ok. You're alright. We're all perfectly fine, my love. I promise." His lips Tightened into a straight line against the fabric of the dressing gown and I swallowed a little, bringing my hands to his hair as his words sunk in and my heart started to pound with a thousand could-have-beens, "I'm so sorry. I was such an ass..."

"You tried." He whispered, kissing my stomach gently, his arms moving to curl gently around my waist. "You saved that kid, and... God, I'd be so proud of you any other fucking day, love. I'd be prouder than anything but God, our marriage flashed before my eyes. All I could see was your laugh. All I could see was your body and it being wrenched away and..." I swallowed, feeling tears burn at my eyes as he choked up on his own emotions.

"I'm ok. We're both ok. I promise you, Ben." I pressed a kiss to his forehead and he gave a little huff, turning his head away.

"I love you, and..." He sighed, "I do forgive you. You did it for all the right reasons but I'm still pissed as all hell-"

"That's ok." I nodded. "I'll sleep in the spare tonight, ok? I'll try to stay out of your way tonight." My hands shook a little as I consented to the absence and he swallowed heavily, nodding just a little.

"I'm sorry. I just need to..."

"Space to calm down," I said softly. "That's ok. I understand, completely, love. Please don't think I don't."

"I get that you do." He said softly, pressing another kiss to my hand as he sighed just a little and stroked his thumb gently over my wedding ring. "Thank you for understanding, baby. I love you so fucking much."

"I know, baby. I love you too." I pressed a kiss to his cheek and drew gently away. "I'll go sort out the spare. Could you see to Toby? He's... I think he was upset you were upset."

"I know. I fucked up on that."

"Its ok. You're his master. He loves you unconditionally."

"Like you do?" He said, a note of hope in his voice as it shook, and I couldn't help but nod.

"Course, love. You're my heart."

His cheeks blossomed red and I smiled at him, running my fingers over his cheek. "Ok, love. I'll sort out the spare room and then do dinner. You take a breather and I'll call you when it's ready."

"Send Toby up?" He looked at me, almost childlike in his hesitation.

"Course. His daddy needs him."

 

*

_**Ben** _

*

 

The little Basset Hound pattered up the stairs quietly, tail wagging as he circled around my feet and threw his paws up onto my knees.

With a soft yip, his tongue brushed over my hands and I couldn't help but smile, pulling him into a cuddle as I whispered apologies into his ears. I had been moody all afternoon, and it had upset the poor puppy, so sensitive was he to our relationship. My fingers ran gently over his short fur, and I smiled as his tail wagged faster, pressing little kisses to his face and muzzle as he licked all over my own. He was a sweetheart, the single dopiest dog I had met, and I loved him like the child that was brewing in my girl's oven.

With great care I lifted him into the bed with me and let him settle tucked into my side as I tried to calm back down. Methodically stroking over his fur, I took deep breaths and tried to cool myself off. I absolutely hated shouting, and arguing. We never fought like cats and dogs, but from time to time, we would yell at one another when we couldn't truly articulate what we wanted to say.

Kitty found it harder, her jealousy and fears sticking in her throat as her mind worked five times as fast as her mouth when she had so many words in her head. I could usually tell when she was going to blow, sense her clinginess or her distance and try to reason as to why it had changed. I did surprisingly well at halting outbursts before they started, but was terrible at being open with her about the things I was worried over. It was a habit of mine to overreact to the wrong emotions - and to not be able to explain my sudden silences, left over from character building, or bad days. She forgave me everything, though, and usually we could resolve things by sitting together, giving it time.

Today had been a shock to the system that I had never anticipated, and I shook now, thinking about being apart from her for the night - let alone for longer. It hurt to be away from her when I felt like this, unsettled and hesitant, sure I had scared her but not so sure about what to do to make it right.

Toby howled into my ear, breaking my reverie, and I jerked back to reality, seeing her coming back up the stairs, carrying a teapot on a tray. The waft of earl grey hit me and I sighed softly, looking her over as she stood in the doorway. This was my _wife._ She was everything to me and I had... God I had laid into her like there was no tomorrow. Her smile wavered as she caught me staring and she carefully raised a hand to her face, concerned that something wasn't right. She looked _perfect._ Her hair looked freshly washed, and for a minute I wondered how long I had been laid here like this, thinking. _God, I hated thinking._

"Baby?" Her voice was soft and her smile was genuine as she knelt down at the side of the bed and smiled, hesitantly. "I know you wanted space but I wanted you to drink this tea. You've had a shock and it'll help calm your nerves."

"Ok." I took the tray and she nodded at me with a gentle smile. Thinking she had been dismissed and trying to hide her disappointment, she rose and gently kissed my cheek. "Love?"

"Yeah?" She turned at the doorway, looking nervous, and I held out my hand to her, bottom lip caught between my teeth as I rubbed my hand over my face.

"Stay here tonight? I need you." Her hand curled around mine and she smiled, stilling my fingers from tearing at my hair again.

"Hey, of course." She whispered, brushing her lips across my forehead. My hand shifted to grip at hers and I tugged gently, hoping she'd get the hint to join me. "The dinner will burn." Her fingers were gentle as they played with mine.

"I'll buy us takeout." I didn't care, so long as she got into bed with me, this instant. I needed to feel her in my arms and I needed to feel her now.

"Close your eyes, and count to twenty, my love. I'll join you when you get to seventeen." Her fingers slipped from mine and I felt myself whimpering before I could stop it, my pathetic nature definitely turning her away. Toby gave a sad yowl as I felt her move further away and I reached over to stroke him. He loved his mistress just as much as I loved her. His head tucked into me as I stroked him, and I counted aloud plenty slowly, just to give her every opportunity not to disappoint. I made it to fifteen as Toby's tail started wagging again, thumping on my bicep as he stood on the bed and I heard Kitty coming back up the stairs.

"Sixteen," I called, deliberately raising my head so that she would see that I could do as I was told, and I heard her laugh as the soft fabric of the dressing gown she was tucked into brushed over my bare feet. "Sixteen and a half..." Her hand found mine again and she settled on the bed beside me, squeezing my fingers gently as her face came close to mine. I could feel her soft breath against my lips as she leaned in, and I smiled as I opened my eyes. "Sevent-"

Her smile was wide as her lips closed over mine.  _She came back._


End file.
